Body Image

Hopefully in the next few months I will undergo a procedure called Cool Sculpting. It's to remove
unwanted fat from my stomach. I've tried exercise & trying to eat right but nothing works for me.
Over the past year or so my body has gone through some changes and I'm not happy. I have inquired about it, don't know when I'll get it done, hopefully over the summer, I'm not too worried about achieving a "summer body" right not because I'm not a fan of the sun too much as it is. Right now I'm probably around 160 something & 5'8".  I haven't weighed myself since my last doctor visit. To most people I'm "skinny", I get what they mean but yea probably standing next to them I look it but I'm not really. I just wanna do what will make me feel good & better about myself.

Testing 112

Trying again... We'll see how much attention I put into this because,  sometimes I just don't wanna talk on Facebook. I like to vent, not always negative stuff, just whatever comes to mind.

Social Networking

I do ok social networking, but when it comes to meeting people in person...I am really shy. Same with meeting guys, I will not approach a guy, my strong fear of rejection is what stops me. I know rejection is apart of life, but year getting rejected by a guy is not something I wanna endure. I hate large crowds of people. I am good one on one with folks, when I get comfortable with people I do talk...A lot. I've been known to throw a chair ONCE and my mama have never let me forget it. LOL! I let my anger get the best of me, the person didn't deserve it nor did he get hurt, but if I was to do it over again I'd still do it. I'm starting to love Twitter again, it's because of the people I talk to on there especially  I'm  facebook girl too, but yea. twitter is my thing right now.

Starting Over

It's July 4, 2012..It's been along time since I've wrote in this thing, doesn't mean I don't still write, just not here. I want to start over again. I was motivated  last night. We'll see how long this will last.

Hoping whoever read this had a good 4th. Spent mine with family. I always have things I'm thinking about but I'm slow about writing down. So if u read I welcome you, if you don't it doesn't matter. whelp, I need to get ready for tomorrow cause I do have to work. g'night.

Out with mama....

My plan was to leave the house, go get my breeze card, go by lennox & look around for somethings. I did wanna go back to Bath & Body works for something. Last night mama offered to take me to the job. I will never decline a free ride that would take me 2 hours to get to by bus. We ended up at Ross afterwards. I hate that she is the type to ask me where I wanna go, but then turn around and tell me where we are going. I wasn't gonna bother to answer either way. I hate going to Ross, it reminds me of store where other stores drop off their unwanted or over stocked stuff. It's too messy for me. I like Marshalls though. She found some cute stuff for me and I bought some things, but yea. My excitement level goes way down once I enter that store.

I like Wal-mart, I love Target for some reason. Maybe its because of the one I frequent near Lennox/Phillips.

We went to get something to eat. Captain D's by the westend & a dozen of assorted Donuts at Krispy Kreme was cause the hot light is not on yet.

Weight rant

I've been want to have flatter abs, but working on my own is not working so I decided to get a personal trainer. I start on Friday. The only person who honestly comments about my weight{ALOT} is my mama. Keeps saying if I keep eating then I'll end up like her, she not all that big, but in away I don't wanna get any bigger, I'm already pushing 155. I'm used to being at 140 something, but I guess my metabolism is slowing up. I really wish she would stop pinching at my damn sides. If she wasn't my mama she'd get hit.

The trainer wants me to write down everything I eat and drink. I'm gonna start today & just eat small portions of dinner and see if that helps.

Speech Therapy

I've always attended Speech Therapy since I started school until I graduated HS. A way to get out of class for awhile was good enough for me. During my Sr. year me and my teacher agreed that I would just practice on the letters and sound I had prob with, which are D, S, T , & the 2 TH sounds. During that time I "fell in love" with Ryan Cameron's show on the radio and whenever I got a chance to be on either his show or this other one called "Ralph From Ben Hill" I'd taped it and play it for my teacher. We'd basically go over my mistakes because I am never that conscious of how I pronounce things as I'm talking. I hate the sound of my voice at times however there are shows I like to call into & when I finally hear myself after it's posted I'm either cringing or seriously listening to myself. I'm conscious in the beginning, but after a minute or 2 I forget.I honestly miss it.

Short Work Week

Which consist of me being off Thursday and Friday. I'm getting my hair done Wednesday. A part of me is majorly excited cause of my b.day, but the other part of me knows I will not do anything real special on the day of. I'm suppose to go out Saturday, but I keep thinking that I REALLY don't wanna go out. I wonder if going out Friday will be bad. He is not a boyfriend, I don't celebrate Valentine's Day and neither does he so.....I dunno. I only crave for acknowledgment from people, not everybody, but yea. I don't like cake as much as I used to. I'm already requesting a big cookie. Mama has turned me down, she said last year was the last time she was getting me one. I'm still hoping for one anyway.

I need to see if I can get a free lunch from my fave eating spot even though they failed to send me an email. First year this has happened. I've been more overly excited in the past 3 years than I ever have.

Can we be friends?

When it comes to approaching guys I don't...unless I see that person on a regular basis eventually I will socialize. A couple of years ago when I was really trying to be to myself & everytime I did meet someone & mentioned that, they wasn't trying to hear it. They weren't really trying to get to know me first, they were looking for a girlfriend or just wanted some ass. Now...it's sorta different.I know some guys I consider my friends and who aren't trying to be my man, well one of them has a girlfriend anyway even though I find him attractive. I'm at a point now where I wouldn't mind being in a relationship, but I'm not the type who feels lonely not being in one. don't get me wrong, I have my days, but it's not that crucial to me.

::exhale::

I swear I had more to this, but I can't even concentrate right now.

One of the men in my life besides my daddy and my brother

There are very few men who I have a CRUSH on.

One in particular works here at Emory, he's part of the clean up crew. I used to see him as I'm coming in, but I hadn't seen him since b4 Xmas I think. I saw him this morning. He likes to give me a hug everytime he sees me, he started it. I have never denied him. He will literally follow me to make sure he gets it. Like I seriously went into one office and as I was coming out there he was. He give good hugs. My problem, he got a girlfriend. He knows I like him. I've confessed it...a few times. It takes me awhile to even tell a guy I like him. One day he kissed me on the cheek. Did not expect that! He said at that time he hadn't seen me in awhile and he missed me. He's cool people. He's kinda cute and tall. I LOVE men that are 6 feet and over. If he's a lil shorter than that, that's fine. 5'6" is how far I'll go with that based on a friend's height and my comfort level with that height. FYI, I'm 5'9".

Children

I always wanted atleast 1 child, I like children, there are very few of them that I just adore. I'm always claiming other people's kids as my nieces or nephews. I actually have a nephew, he's 18 now. I figured that by the time I was married I'd have some. I still think about that. I even have names picked. I've always had names picked out. The thought of being someone's babymama does not interest me, I wanna be that person's wife, then the mother of their child or children. 7 years ago all that probably would have happened. A few years 30 was my cut off age. I said that because that's how old my mama was when she had me. Being 30 meant more to me than being 21. It's almost 3 years later, now I'm thinking 40...most definatly, if my personal life doesn't change by then I'm just gonna have to accept being childless and just be someone's aunt.

Stolen...{this entry is longer than I expected.}

What's really going on? Torrance just tweeted that his shop and the shops around him got robbed this morning.

I forgot when she said it happened, but my friend April, her Apt. got robbed either Xmas night or the day after. Broke up stuff. She had her rent money in her dresser drawer. They took that some money she had in her piggy bank & destroyed some stuff. I'm slightly disturbed at the fact she had ther rent money at the house instead of on her even if she had planned to pay her rent b4 the first.

Someone tried to steal my dad's car a month or 2 ago. They didn't get too far cause of the crazy way my day's gears are. They busted out the driver's side window. My brother put an alarm in for him. He's never had one in ANY of his cars b4. We've had another one stolen along time ago.

I will never forget back in maybe 95 or 96. I forgot, Since I caught the bus to school I'd be the last to leave, mama would already be at work & she'd call to make sure I'm up. I always kept my door close. At the time my bedroom was upstairs . As soon as I got off the phone and was starting to get up I heard something go "Boom!" I stood still for a minute and heard footsteps, someone had managed to go into my brother's old room which is right next to mine. I wasn't thinking, I opened my door and started to scream. I scared them. I don't even know how many there were. I try to peek out to see what I could, I call 911 explain what was going on and mentioned that they had a U-haul truck, she was like "A U-Haul truck?" I said year. Later a friend of my mom would confiirm what I saw cause he said he may have saw them hours earlier.
After the call, I called mama then she called my daddy. I don't even remember who got there first. There were no fingerprints to be lifted. I still neded up going to school, dad took me. I would like to end it here, but I can't. My aunt babysat the house cause they busted the frame off the door and you couldn't lock it. As she was watching tv she noticed someone walking to the tool shed and kicking THAT door in, in the back yard, she yells out, what are you doing? He says, "nothing ma'am" & starts running, she runs after him. Apprantly he had someone wating on him and that's how he made his escape.

::exhale::

What is really going on?

Tattoos

I have 3,



The first one I got was almost 10 years ago, a couple of days b4 my b.day.



Years b4 I got it I had a fake tat on my ankle, it was of a butterfly, I thought it was so pretty and made up my mind I'd get one when I was older, years went by and finally one day after school I decided to go ahead and do it, but by that time I wanted a rose, but I wasn't sure if I could get them combined and after looking around the shop I saw a design of a butterfly/rose combo.

The artist designed the inside of the butterfly's wings different, colored it different, and the rose slightly bigger. I loved it dearly til almost 3 years ago when I got 2 more. I didn't think I'd get these 2 in the same day, but I did.

The most current ones are ~V~ {just exactly how I typed with shades of orange in it.}
The other one has the first initial of my parent's names, a heart in the center, & the year they were married in the center of the heart. I wanted to get it b4 one of them passes away cause I wanted to have a tribute tat instead of waiting til they die then getting a memorial one.

I need to get the older one touched up, it's not faded, but I think it's time. They don't interfere with my job cause you can't see them. One on my left arm, one on my right arm, the parent tat on left leg.

Driving

I've never had a driver's license, but I've had 2 different cars bought for me, once I had a '87 Gray Mustang that my brother bought for me. The 2nd one is a silver Buick Skylark that my mom bought for me. I never officially drove the Mustang due to issue in trying to get the official papers so it could be put into our name.

The Skylark, it is used by my brother. one of his many cars now. I do have a lerner's and have had one off and on for the past 16yrs. I want one of those new Volkwagon bugs. I'm ok with riding the bus and train, I guess cause I have since I was 18 and was starting college. If I could just drive from my house to the train station I'd be cool with that. I'll do it one day. I'm not making it a resolution, but I'll try and get it done.

Hello 2009

I've been up since 12 noon, Babz is the only reason I stayed up til midnight, I stayed up til about 1am and I called it a night.

I helped mama out a lil in the kitchen, looking/listening to Twilight zone marathon, listening to "Gentleman's Guide To Midnite Cinema" podcast. I gotta go back to work tomorrow. ::breathe::

It's been a laidback day.

Internet shopping{random purchases}, Happy that I got paid today instead of tomorrow.

I may just watch a dvd later.

Wishing for good and happiness for the new year.

Goodbye 2008

I've become a fan of different podcasts, mostly movie ones.

I'm a twitter junkie.

I had to emotionally let go of someone who broke my heart.

I got my very first PDA.

Happy that my nephew graduated HS, sad for the lost of my former HS principal.

I've had a decent year. I don't believe in making resolutions so whateva I wanna change about myself I gotta just do it.

I wanna thank the people I've met whether it's person or online. Each one of you have a place in my life. I hate when HOURS ago I KNEW what I wanted to say, but now?

For those of you reading this, have fun, be safe. I'm keeping my behind the house.

~V~

What's in YOUR wallet?

I honestly hate the phrase "I don't have that much money" if we plan to go out somewhere, don't tell me that especially if you know I'm not the type who will try to eat an expensive meal everytime we go out. I don't mind going half on a meal, or even taking turns paying for it especially if it's somewhere I really wanna go.

I've hated those words ever since this one dude who had never seen me, but we talked on the phone{my friend knew him}. Everytime I tried to invite him to the house, that's what his response was. I was like I didn't say buy me anything I just wanna meet you. For the longest time he punked out on seeing me. We eventually met, but I really wasn't that interested in him after awhile.

Eventually my friend asked me why I didn't like him, I told her about him turning me down all the time and she told me something about it was really a weight issue with him. Apprantly he wasn't comfortable with me seeing him how he was. I didn't find this out until after I had finally met him and lost interest. I didn't think he was all that big. I didn't see anything wrong with him.

This happened almost 13 yrs ago.

I got a man for Xmas

Not really, but a childhood friend of my brother who used to live next door to us came for a visit...mama woke me up to let me know...thank goodness I had did something to my hair b4 I went back to bed. Mama was cooking and left me downstairs with him. I don't think she realize how much I lust this man...the only downside is that he's married, but if he was single again....I've seen the dick before. He's never fucked me, but yea. He's been married twice. I actually knew his first wife cause while he was still married to the first wife he stayed in the house he grew up in. I saw him a few months ago cause he works for MARTA{our public transportation} and I was passing through one of the stations. I was going to use the restroom, but when he saw me and we started talking. I kinda held it til I got home. Apprantly I didn't have to go that bad. LOL!

::fanning myself::

Merry Xmas to me.

Drinking

When I was younger my aunt would always give us lil ones a sip of beer, there have been atleast one from memory where my cousin got me drunk, but she assumed I was REALLY sleepy until we confessed the next day. My dad didn't mind giving me any, but mama wasn't having it. When I was 10 I lost the taste for it and I haven't drank any since. I've never been the type to really wanna drink. Even when I was 21 my first "drink" was a wine cooler. On my b.day as a matter of fact. It's extremely rare if I drink anything through out the year, I forgot when, but during a lil get together with classmates earlier this year I had like 2 daquri's and that was it. I do know I talk WAYYYY too much when I'm drunk. Everytime I went out to my heavy mojo concerts and there was this one table I would sit at, no matter who it was they would offer to pay for me a drink, I would decline for whatever reason though. My mom would complain I drink too much when it comes to sodas, etc, but I keep reminding her, "At least it's not alcohol."

My other drink of choice besides Daquri is Alize and that is not a cute name for a girl.

Naming her after some orange juice would be better, even though I don't think that's how dad came up with mine.

Going out

I don't go out as much I did maybe a year or so ago. I always went by myself, not really by choice it's because I could never get anyone willing to go with me. I'm a huge fan of this one group called Heavy Mojo, they are a local band here in Atlanta & I first found out about them through Myspace, one of the members friended me, as a matter of fact December 30th will make it 4yrs I've been a member even though I rarely check it.{sidenote: someone deleted me, but I have no clue who it was, as long as it wasn't one of my top 40 I am not too mad. LOL!} So I've been a fan of the group for about 3yrs I guess...anyway, anytime they did a show at Andrew's upstairs or Centerstage I'd buy a ticket. I would spend no more than $8 cause it would be just them and some group that would open for them. The page would say it was gonna start at 8 or 9, but it was always later, they would usually come on about 11, didn't get off til about almost 2am. I was always sad cause there were more white people in attendance it seems than black folks. I always had a plan as soon as the opening band ended I'd go to the restroom then move towards the stage cause they love the interaction with the crowd and I would plant mysaelf on the edge of the stage cause that standing was not gonna cut it. I rather sit uncomfy than stand. I miss seeing them..they've been on the road lately so not too many home shows. I found out a few months ago that the dude who friended me actually graduated from the same HS I did 2 yrs b4 me. I wonder if that's one of the reasons why he added me in the first place cause it's not on his profile, but it's on mine. I have such a crush on him too. http://heavymojomusic.com/