Goodbye 2008

I've become a fan of different podcasts, mostly movie ones.

I'm a twitter junkie.

I had to emotionally let go of someone who broke my heart.

I got my very first PDA.

Happy that my nephew graduated HS, sad for the lost of my former HS principal.

I've had a decent year. I don't believe in making resolutions so whateva I wanna change about myself I gotta just do it.

I wanna thank the people I've met whether it's person or online. Each one of you have a place in my life. I hate when HOURS ago I KNEW what I wanted to say, but now?

For those of you reading this, have fun, be safe. I'm keeping my behind the house.

~V~

What's in YOUR wallet?

I honestly hate the phrase "I don't have that much money" if we plan to go out somewhere, don't tell me that especially if you know I'm not the type who will try to eat an expensive meal everytime we go out. I don't mind going half on a meal, or even taking turns paying for it especially if it's somewhere I really wanna go.

I've hated those words ever since this one dude who had never seen me, but we talked on the phone{my friend knew him}. Everytime I tried to invite him to the house, that's what his response was. I was like I didn't say buy me anything I just wanna meet you. For the longest time he punked out on seeing me. We eventually met, but I really wasn't that interested in him after awhile.

Eventually my friend asked me why I didn't like him, I told her about him turning me down all the time and she told me something about it was really a weight issue with him. Apprantly he wasn't comfortable with me seeing him how he was. I didn't find this out until after I had finally met him and lost interest. I didn't think he was all that big. I didn't see anything wrong with him.

This happened almost 13 yrs ago.

I got a man for Xmas

Not really, but a childhood friend of my brother who used to live next door to us came for a visit...mama woke me up to let me know...thank goodness I had did something to my hair b4 I went back to bed. Mama was cooking and left me downstairs with him. I don't think she realize how much I lust this man...the only downside is that he's married, but if he was single again....I've seen the dick before. He's never fucked me, but yea. He's been married twice. I actually knew his first wife cause while he was still married to the first wife he stayed in the house he grew up in. I saw him a few months ago cause he works for MARTA{our public transportation} and I was passing through one of the stations. I was going to use the restroom, but when he saw me and we started talking. I kinda held it til I got home. Apprantly I didn't have to go that bad. LOL!

::fanning myself::

Merry Xmas to me.

Drinking

When I was younger my aunt would always give us lil ones a sip of beer, there have been atleast one from memory where my cousin got me drunk, but she assumed I was REALLY sleepy until we confessed the next day. My dad didn't mind giving me any, but mama wasn't having it. When I was 10 I lost the taste for it and I haven't drank any since. I've never been the type to really wanna drink. Even when I was 21 my first "drink" was a wine cooler. On my b.day as a matter of fact. It's extremely rare if I drink anything through out the year, I forgot when, but during a lil get together with classmates earlier this year I had like 2 daquri's and that was it. I do know I talk WAYYYY too much when I'm drunk. Everytime I went out to my heavy mojo concerts and there was this one table I would sit at, no matter who it was they would offer to pay for me a drink, I would decline for whatever reason though. My mom would complain I drink too much when it comes to sodas, etc, but I keep reminding her, "At least it's not alcohol."

My other drink of choice besides Daquri is Alize and that is not a cute name for a girl.

Naming her after some orange juice would be better, even though I don't think that's how dad came up with mine.

Going out

I don't go out as much I did maybe a year or so ago. I always went by myself, not really by choice it's because I could never get anyone willing to go with me. I'm a huge fan of this one group called Heavy Mojo, they are a local band here in Atlanta & I first found out about them through Myspace, one of the members friended me, as a matter of fact December 30th will make it 4yrs I've been a member even though I rarely check it.{sidenote: someone deleted me, but I have no clue who it was, as long as it wasn't one of my top 40 I am not too mad. LOL!} So I've been a fan of the group for about 3yrs I guess...anyway, anytime they did a show at Andrew's upstairs or Centerstage I'd buy a ticket. I would spend no more than $8 cause it would be just them and some group that would open for them. The page would say it was gonna start at 8 or 9, but it was always later, they would usually come on about 11, didn't get off til about almost 2am. I was always sad cause there were more white people in attendance it seems than black folks. I always had a plan as soon as the opening band ended I'd go to the restroom then move towards the stage cause they love the interaction with the crowd and I would plant mysaelf on the edge of the stage cause that standing was not gonna cut it. I rather sit uncomfy than stand. I miss seeing them..they've been on the road lately so not too many home shows. I found out a few months ago that the dude who friended me actually graduated from the same HS I did 2 yrs b4 me. I wonder if that's one of the reasons why he added me in the first place cause it's not on his profile, but it's on mine. I have such a crush on him too. http://heavymojomusic.com/

Sexual thoughts and dreams I'm thinking of right about now and I have no one to share it with

So earlier I was listening to the recording of Rawdawgbuffalo's last episode which was all about sex and "dick training a woman" "Dickmatizing a woman", etc.

It automatically made me wonder a general question of "Did I really ever have a discussion about sex with my mom." I seriously think I didn't or she didn't say anything that sorta stuck in my mind.

Now that I am at 32 and she is 63 she loved to assume stuff about me whether it's true or not. For one thing she is convinced I have naked pictures on the internet somewhere. I did, but I'll be damned if I am gonna admit to that. Actually I think they all disappeared once this one site I was a member of shut down for whatever reason...I loved that site even if I was the token black girl, I wasn't the only one, but the only one that participated on the forums and galleries.

I didn't start having sex til I was 21 or 22. I believe I was 21. I haven't been with many guys..maybe 6 or 7 in the past 11 yrs.

My first look at porn was the Playboy channel. Even at I wanna say 6, I was always mad that I wasn't able to see the man's dick. I will not comment on when I actually saw one cause that's a whole 'nother story, but yea I was pissed off cause EVERY chick that ever gave a dude a BJ had long hair which prevented the viewer from seeing anything.{I did not know at the time that was considered soft porn} I know I was too young to be watching that, but when you had a bootleg cable box that you had to unscramble to get channels then you tried to see whatever you could. I still semi support playboy by buying certain clothing itens and etc which prompted me an offer of free playboy mags for a year...every year for the past maybe 2-3 years I have received them as long as I don't turn in a post card saying for them not to. I usually forget anyway.

I need to go take a shower, but that is not gonna make me feel any better,.

I wish I was more adult..

I don't pay any type of important bill{water, electric, rent} I still with my parents and at this point in my life I don't mind, but I really wish they'd let me contribute to something other than 2 phone bills, $20 to help with cable{I wanted showtime} & credit cards I do pay. I chose not to live on my own cause I'm actually afraid too. I would only want to live alone here...this is my childhood home anyway. I've even offered to pay half of the electric bill after dad got after me leaving the computer on all night one night and I got an ear full about it, but the next day he refuse my money.

They want me to work & save money{I'm working on that, but I'm always finding stuff to buy.}

::exhale::

Gifts

I have this friend who I met through my brother's gf, I met him 2 weeks before my birthday{last yr} and about a month later he bought me an ipod as a late b.day present cause he really wanted me to have one. I had no interest in getting one, It took me a long time to really accept it as mine. I accepted the gift, but to really embrace it was a different story. B4 him I was with someone who would give me stuff whether I wanted it or not and liked to throw it back in my face of how he gave me stuff when he got mad so I was kinda sensitive to the gift giving situation. I never felt I was gonna have to mention that rule so soon. He always told me he'd never do that to me and he hasn't. I bring up the ipod cause now it's not working and there is a part of me scrambling to figure out how I'm gonna get a new one. I've actually had someone else offer to buy me a new one, but I turned him down. My whole response on the ipod buying situation was that "I don't love myself that much". The price for it is not something I wanna pay, but now I'm sorta lonely without it. I still buy CD's{1,050}, I doubt I will ever stop.



We just have a convo about this an hour ago and I just needed to vent.

Physical stuff

My brother and I are 10, almost 11 yrs apart. He's the oldest. I adore my brother. Along with my parents he is my best friend. I always say they are all I have. The house that my parents and I live in is my childhood home. They have been there since my brother was 5. Unless I get married, I see myself in that house for the rest of my life if I can help it.

I had a normal childhood even though I was born with a birth defect....I was born with a cleft palate, which meant the roof of my mouth was non existant, my nose wasn't quite right and my top lip was split. Over the yrs I've had several reconstructive surgeries to improve my appearance. The last one was about 2 years ago I think. Because of all of that it makes me sound like I have a cold all the time and of course it's worse when I do have one. I also had fluid on my brain so they inserted a shunt which drains it...Honestly I have no idea if it works & mama wants me to have it checked out and maybe get it removed, but I don't want to, I have a fear of dying because of it. I also walk with a limp..leg longer than the other, have had casts on both as a child to correct it, it's noticable at times.

My parents I am truly thankful for even if I can sometimes seem ungrateful.

6 days til their 44th anniv and even though they don't celebrate it.{found out that dad is the one who didn't want to.} I always find ways of adknowledging it. Even have a tattoo with a heart, their initials, & the year they got married on my leg which I got 2 yrs ago.

Work/School

I didn't start working until I was 19, didn't have to then, but I wanted to. Up until I got this job I had been temping at most places with exception of working at Wal-mart, Bank of America{weekends only} & one of the Emory hospitals. As usual I like my job, but not the people. I'm usually one of the first few people here early in the morning and part of that is cause my dad decided a couple of years ago that he wanted to go back to work after he retired. When I was younger I wanted to be a doctor or a nurse, I kinda have a slight interest in being an MA, but at this moment. I don't have the energy for night school plus I think I'm still on academic probation.{I was going to school up until a few months ago.} I haven't checked on my status for that lately. I would like to have a diploma in something one day.

Relationships

I sorta miss being in one. I'm OK with the idea of living alone, but honestly I don't want to, but I have this insecurity that I will never meet anyone that will honestly like me or find me attractive. Me and my mom have this repeat convo of my lack of friends and hsving no real social life. It's fustrating to just hear her go on and on. I know she's looking out for me, but I don't wanna hear it.

::exhale::

I 'm trying to get back in the swing of things with writing somewhere other than Livejournal. In my head I have lots to say, but right now I'm just blank.

Intro

Trying to figure out how to really introduce myself.



I'm Valencia, 32yrs old, single, no kids, still live at home with my parents who have been married for almost 44 yrs. I work for Emory Healthcare, I don't work at the hospital though. I have an older brother. I'm on the shy side. I'm a one on one type of person.